Well..

Lately, I've discovered what kind of person I am.

I'm not very nice to the people I love

I want to be talked to constantly

I wanted attention and to be told cute/nice things

I want someone to hang out with all the time

I steal people from their friends

I don't treat anyone kindly

I hate too quickly

I'm negative beyond belief

I can't do a thing right

I can never go a day without being mean

I get attitude way to quickly

My boyfriend can't keep doing this with me

I'm falling apart at the seams

I cry everyday. Hard

I will never forgive myself

I have about 3 friends, 1 who is constantly mad at me

I have very little confidence

I don't have a job

I whine too much

I'm trying my best to be a better person but it just isn't happening, obviously

I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm on the edge of breaking point

I feel as if I never do anything right, and I never will. Basically, I just want to make my boyfriend the happiest person ever, and I want him to love me to death and think of me when he's not with me and I don't even know. Justin, if you're reading this. I'm deeply sorry I'm so horrible, and I love you to death. And you're the reason I want to be a better person, you have given me so much help and patience, you deserve for me to be a better person and you're going to get it.

Ugh

Lately, it feels like everything is falling apart.
Well, withing the past few hours everything has seem to gone downhill. My relationship had a really rough patch last month, and everything it finally getting better. We've been the best we've ever been (or so I think so) and I'm happy and looking forward to our future. But now, I'm not so sure how he feels about what's happening. I'm trying my hardest to be calm and patient and understanding and a better girlfriend. I've become less critical and ridiculous and patient, I know I have, I see it and other people see it. I've changed a lot and I will keep on changing, no matter what. I will always be changing for the better. However, I feel as if he doesn't see any improvement, or change and never will. I feel as if I'll always be a bad person in his eye and that breaks my heart. I just want to make him happy and for us to be happy. (So if you're reading this Pup, and there is anything I can do, just tell me)
Also, school is bad. I have no motivation and I feel like I'm just failing all my classes. It's so boring and horrible and the teacher are close minded and sexist. It's just hard to motivate myself and do the work.
Everything else is just always up and down, and when my best friend/boyfriend is down, it makes me down and so sad to see him like that. Especially when there is nothing I can do.
I just want to be happy, and make everyone else happy and be the best person I can be. I'm trying so hard to do all of this and it just seems to be crushing in on me.

Can't Sleep

I can't do anything nice for anyone. I feel as if I've failed as a human. This is all real mopey and lame, but it's how I feel.
I'm not a nice person, I'm not friendly, or caring, or any good trait most people have.
Instead I'm angry, mean, hateful, and bitter. It's how I am. I hate it, and have been trying to change it for 8 months. Something has to happen because this will not go on any longer. I've already hurt the ones I love too much, and I can't do it anymore.
This has to be changed.

Monday Night

My feelings get hurt far too easily.
I am the most jealous person you will ever meet.
I am so nosey, it's not that I don't trust you, I'm just nosey. You're lying if you aren't.
I can not stand girls who are not my friends. They're horrible, it takes me way too long to enjoy another girl's company. If that even happens.
I take my anger out on people who don't deserve it.
I'm too sensative.

This is how I am, I don't all of it, but it's me. Some things won't change, and some things will. My feelings will always be easily hurt and I will always be sensative. When it comes to my feelings, they're like jello. I'm jealous because the people that I love, I want them all to myself, and I don't trust other people to respect that they have someone else who loves them. The whole thing about girls, is beyond true. Very few girls will become my friend. I'm just not down to deal with their attitudes, and slut self. It just won't happen. I'm not sure what's up with my anger? Whatever, I'm working on it. There are alot of things I don't like about myself and that I'm sure other people don't like.

Although I have alot of flaws, there are a couple of things I like about myself.
When I love someone, I give them all of my love. I protect them, and want the best for them.
I don't want anyone who has hurt them in the past to come back, even if they fixed it and apologized. You messed up, go away. Their past friends or anyone they had somthing for can just forget it. I won't like you because you once could have had the spot I now have and cherish dearly.

I'm an odd person, but everyone is like that. I'm a girl, so I WILL get jealous, and I WILL hate any girl who talks to you, that's just how it is with everyone. :) I WILL be overprotective and keep bad people or influences away from you.

I have anyone's best interet in mind, and I just want the best for them. Though it may not come across that way, it's true.

?

I guess I though I was pretty okay at helping people. But considering I get my words mixed up and things come out wrong, I think I've made a horrible mistake.
I wish I could help everyone with their problems, especially ones close to me, but I fail to be good at that. I try, and then say something stupid or get upset and just ruin everything.

Things I Want To Do

Even though summer it half way through, there are still alot of things I want to do. Well, not too many, but enough that I want to make a list of them.

Go on a Picnic

I've never been on a picnic, and I've always wanted to go on one. Either downtown or on the beach. Luckily for me, I'm going on one Wednesday with my boyfriend, Justin.

:)

Go to Ripley's Aquarium and Haunted Adventure in Myrtle Beach

I've been to the aquairum before, but it was a couple years ago, so I really want to go again. I also want to take fish eye pictures there, of the fishes ;) When I went to Myrtle Beach last summer with some of my friends, we went to Club Karma (which was extremley stupid) I saw the Haunted Adventure, and wanted to go into it real bad, so now I plan on doing it. Also, with Justin. And maybe go to one the of ridiculous put put courses they have there.

I guess I thought there were more things that I wanted to do, but apparantly not, or else I can't think of them. But if I do, I'll add them :)

Take an Amazing Jump Picture

I've always liked picture of poeple jumping, so I want to take a really good one.

I Wish

I wish I tried as hard I wanted to, and I wish I would make less excuses. I want to be the best person I can be. For myself, and for everyone else. I hate being in a bad mood around people and it rubbing off, or taking out my anger on the ones that are closest to me. They don't deserve it, and I wish they knew that I never mean it, and that I know they don't deserve it. They are the last people that would ever hurt me, and I know that, they just want the best for me. I wish I showed that I appreciated those closest to me more, and that I would do nicer things for them, and just overall be happy and cheerful towards them. I lash out at the people who are closest to me because of how close we are and because I trust them. I know it's wrong, and I wish I didn't do it, I hate it. I wish I wasn't constantly failing at trying to become a better person and trying to think before I speak and trying to become happier.

I want my wishes to become reality, and they will.